Confessions

Posted on Wed Jun 30th, 2021 @ 10:23am by Lieutenant Amanda Rose & Commander Grace Vetur

1,333 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: The Lonesome Road
Location: Counseling
Timeline: A day after "Heart and Soul"

ON

Grace needed to talk to Amanda. She needed to tell her what was going on, and she needed to apologize. She felt she owed her friend that much. To be sure the counselor was free and she'd have the time she needed, she set an appointment.

The First Officer arrived five minutes early and sat down to wait.

A tall, dark human ensign walked out. The door started to close behind him when Amanda saw that Grace was waiting. Rather than take some notes summing up her last session, she walked out to Grace with a big smile on her face. "Hello, Grace. Do you want to come on in?"

She nodded to the departing officer and stood. "Yes. Thank you," she said, more formal than usual. Grace followed Amanda into her office and waited for the other woman. She was not looking forward to this conversation, but it was necessary.

Grace watched Amanda as she entered her office.

There was a certain formality to Grace and that made Amanda wonder what was bothering her. I'm not being transferred, am I? No complaints have been lodged against me, have they? I've never had a complaint lodged against me. So, what's going on? Amanda sat on the couch and wondered if Grace would choose a chair or the couch, as well. "How can I help you today, Grace?"

The First Officer chose one of the chairs to keep a professional distance and nodded. Then, deciding it was better not to drag it out, said, "Remember the conversation we had on the colony where you told me you were interested in both the Captain and Chief Intelligence Officer?"

"Of course," Amanda replied simply, now fearing the worst.

"Well, the Captain and I have dinner together from time to time to help us build a working relationship. He asked me to dinner that night. He has a cello and guitar. We played music together, and then he kissed me." She was feeling terrible and awkward and defensive, all at the same time. "We were interrupted. I mean, there was an emergency in a science lab and I felt so bad and confused that I've been avoiding him ever since, except on duty." She paused. "Until last night. We ran into each other in the gym. We talked and danced and...well, we're going to give it some time and see where it goes." She looked at her friend. "I'm sorry."

Amanda looked at Grace crestfallen. It was happening again. Worse, Grace knew that she had interest in the Captain and she still went ahead and kissed him. Had the Captain not been flirting with her? Was she misreading everything again? Maybe she needed to put in for another transfer. "Sorry? Grace! How could you? You knew and you didn't even tell him...." Amanda turned away from Grace and stood up and walked to her desk, more than a little upset. Yet, she would not cry yet. "I'm not sure who to be more angry at: you or him."

"I told him what you said. He brushed it off and said there was nothing between you. He said that you and Yiv were a better couple anyway." She took a deep breath. "I didn't ask for the kiss. It just...happened." To be honest, she didn't stop it, either. "It might have been fueled by the music, by having a shared love of string instruments. At least, I thought so at first. I've been fighting the way I feel, but last night, when he told me..." She shook her head. "I couldn't fight any more. And you and Yiv have been looking at each other like you're crazy about each other."

"This isn't about me and Yiv! I don't even know what we are, more than friends! This is about what you and the Captain did! You're better than this, Grace. At least I thought you were." She slumped into her desk chair.

"Better than what? I didn't try to take Elijah away from you because you like him. I fought falling in love, but it didn't work. And Elijah...cares for me, too. Are we supposed to ignore that because you aren't sure how you feel about either Elijah or Yiv?"

She stood and began to pace the room. "Answer me this. Have you and Elijah gone out together? Did he tell you he cares about you? Did he kiss you?" She wrapped her arms around her stomach, wanting to know the answer and yet afraid to hear it. "And if you don't know if you and Yiv are more than just friends, how do you know what you feel about Elijah?"

At this moment, Amanda really hated the fact that Grace was a counselor by training, as well. "Elijah and I have had some encounters," she replied with a pout. He invited me over for dinner but then didn't follow through." She then straightened up and started her argument again, "Besides, it isn't like we have been out here long. You haven't really had time to fight this falling in love, as you say. You should have told me immediately, not after the fact."

Some encounters? And he'd asked her to dinner? If Grace had said no to his invitation, would he have called Amanda instead? Grace didn't think Amanda would have put Elijah off like she did. "I didn't tell you that night because we kissed and I've been avoiding him ever since--until last night when we finally talked and today I'm here." She paused, another question coming to mind. "It's been days since that first encounter. Did he make any advances since we got back from the planet? Has he said anything to you since then that wasn't business?"

Had the Captain not been honest with Grace? Was this some sort of game that he was playing? At least Grace had the decency to be honest with her about what happened. "Since we got back? No, I have been busy with work and getting all of the mandatory pscyh evals done. So, it has been quiet."

"Everything happened after we got back," Grace said. At least he hadn't flirted with Amanda after he kissed Grace.

"I see," Amanda responded uncharacteristically terse. So, because I was doing my job, he could not wait? Or is this the way it always works with Captains and XOs? It is almost enough for one to want to give up on love.

"I don't think you see at all," Grace said, trying to remain calm. "I owed it to you to tell you. That obligation has now been fulfilled. Good day, Lieutenant." She had to get out of here before she broke down. It had been worse than she feared. And it left her with a lot of questions. She gave Amanda a polite half-bow and headed for the door.

"I appreciate you being up front with me," Amanda called to Grace before she got to the door.

Grace turned to Amanda. That was not what she'd intimated before. Anything but. "As I said, I owed you that." The conversation had shaken her more than she was going to let Amanda see. "I need to go."

Part of Amanda wanted to reach out to Grace. Something about the way Grace was acting told her that something more than her own anger and upset was problematic here. Another part of her, however, wanted to be rid of Grace, as she represented yet another Captain that fell for her XO. "Another time, then," Amanda concluded.

Grace nodded and walked out without another word. She had to talk with Elijah about what Amanda said. She needed answers and she needed to give Amanda time. At the same time, she was intensely aware that things would likely never be the same between her and the counselor.


A Post by:

Lieutenant Amanda Rose
Chief Counselor
USS Ontario

and

Lieutenant Commander Grace Vetur
Executive Officer
USS Ontario

 

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