Connections (Pt. 4)

Posted on Sun Aug 22nd, 2021 @ 6:30am by Lieutenant Zero & 1st Lieutenant Dahlia Acker

1,518 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Out of Time
Location: Lounge: The Maple Leaf
Timeline: [Backpost]

OLD:

Maybe others would have been disturbed by this but Dahlia's eyes widened with awe at it. She had always been fascinated by people who had abilities that she didn't. And yes, there was a long list of those, but speaking directly to a computer on touch? That was just amazing. "Wow..." she said and touched the PADD, smiling before she looked at him. "You just touched it and...did it. It's like...being a telepath with computers. How cool is that?" she shook her head with disbelief, her eyes going to his hand. It looked like a normal hand, except for the tubules. She watched how it went over his fingers, the way they entered and exited the skin. In a way, there was an elegance of it.

"Does it hurt?" she asked, reaching out, slowly, and touching his hand lightly. She met his eyes, searching them for a long moment. Out of all of it, she oddly worried about that. Did it hurt him, or because it was a part of him it didn't...and if it didn't, then it was good and just a part of him.

NEW:

Zero looked at her curiously. Her expression indicated the question was more of concern than curiosity. "Pain is not a common concern for Borg. That feeling, along with many others, is removed when you are assimilated." He paused slightly, nodding his head a bit, before continuing. "Since my liberation from the Borg I get unfamiliar sensations I cannot indicate. Pain is still a new feeling I must adapt to. As far as my hand is concerned, there is a discomfort, but there is no pain. I said before I cover them to avoid staring uncomfortable reminders of my former life. If I am being honest, Dahlia, I also do it for myself. When I look at them I am reminded of who and what I was. What I did. Flashes of moments I do not want to see." He paused again, this time seeming to be a bit hesitant to continue, before stating. "Pain is still a new experience. I do not enjoy it. Something, I assume, is a common thing others share."

"It is," Dahlia said softly, nodding as her hand rested over his, relaxed and gentle. "Physical pain and discomfort is something most people...avoid. Some of us, our profession makes it impossible to avoid. Pain becomes a lesson..." she glanced around for a moment, unsure why, but she lowered her voice. "Some of us chose to keep the scars from it, because it is a reminder. The past can be painful, Zero. But like everything else, it is a part of us. The hardest thing for us is to accept it and that sometimes, it was out of our control. For you...more than for most I'd say," she gave him a small smile. "Carry the memory, the knowledge...but try to let go of the guilt. It was the advice I was once given. At times, it works. Not always though."

Zero wanted to smile but, in some way, he knew it was difficult for him to put her words into affect. Maybe he shouldn't feel guilty. After all, he wasn't in control, but it didn't change what he saw. How it brought him discomfort to know he was part of turning those people, those aliens, into the mindless drones they became. Ending their lives, in a fashion, and sometimes even assimilating an entire race. He looked up at her and nodded slightly, unsure of how to respond, only to let her know he understood her advice. He even appreciated it. "I will... try." Zero replied softly. A response that seemed a bit forced, but sincere. Like he wanted to, but knew it was difficult.

"It's all we do as people. Try," she said and reached out, her free hand going to touch his cheek for a brief moment before she pulled her hand back, almost embarrassed she had done it. "Trust me, I fail a lot at that. But another good thing is that we always learn from experience. Not just...knowledge studied. You will get your own inner voice that will guide you."

Zero smiled briefly words and, for a moment, watched her other hand reach for him before pulling away. He wasn't sure how to react, but there was a slight jump in his chest from it. He finally looked down for a moment, thinking of the words to say, before looking up at her. "What if..." He hesitated slightly before finally continuing. "What if that inner voice scares you?"

She gave a small smile, but it was almost sad as she watched him. "I...think that means you are listening to the wrong voice," she said and looked down. "I have two. One is my inner...moral compass. That gut feeling that makes me act, that...would put myself at risk for something greater. And then there's the inner critic...the one that wakes me up at night with all my failures, my...faults. The questions..." she met his eyes, holding them. "That tells me I am not a good person but an imposter."

"I don't have a second." Zero replied softly, in almost a whisper, before adding. "When I was Borg there were millions upon millions. All in unison. All in harmony. Now there is only one. One voice. One Borg voice that echoes inside my head. Telling me to assimilate. Telling me to return to the Collective. Reminding me I will not survive alone." He looked away slightly, a look of concern on his face, before focusing back to her. "If I am Zero. He is One. One of Ten. Who I was before. The Borg I used to be. The drone who assimilated all those lives. Destroyed them all with no guilt or remorse."

Dahlia let out a breath as she watched him, frowning slightly before she nodded. "I...don't understand the depth of it," she said, openly. "How isolating it must be, to just have yourself and that voice. A ghost. But that voice, your past...you had no choice. Your self was removed, completely, and put with the purpose to assimilate. It isn't your fault. But...I understand that you can't turn away from that voice. Your past. All you can do is to vow to do better. Be better. Be a person."

"It is difficult, but not impossible." Zero replied as he nodded his head. "It was difficult at first, when I opened my eyes and couldn't not hear the voices I have always heard when in the Collective. It was the first time I felt fear. The first emotion I was familiar with. I needed to be sedated shortly after. When I awoke the second time it wasn't as harsh, but I still felt different." He looked down to the table, letting out a sigh, before continuing. "It was only much later, when I was at the Academy, did I begin to hear the voice telling me to return. Commanding it. Pushing me to assimilate my classmates and force my way to the nearest Borg Cube to be come one with the Collective again. To be One of Ten again." He raised his head and looked to her, his mechanical blue eyes seemed to shift slightly, as he held it there. "But, I believe, that voice will be much lower now..." Zero placed his hand on hers as a smile formed on his face. "...because of you, Dahlia. Despite what your own false voice may tell you, you are a good person. Not an imposter, but a person who would go out of her way to make someone feel less alone, because she also knows how that feels. I am grateful you joined me."

She looked at him, her skin reddening in a blush before she smiled and looked down, almost shyly. "Well, I am grateful that I did too...and for what you've said," she met his eyes again, taking a deep breath to calm down the racing heart. "But I am grateful to you for trusting me. You've...said things that I know must be difficult to talk about. But you've trusted me with it. So I promise you...I will keep it safe. And if that voice ever gets so loud you doubt...then find me."

Zero smiled again, nodding his head. He shifted his hand in hers lightly, positioning it so that it was under hers, holding her hand with the one with the protruding tubules. He felt more comfortable with her, enough so that he didn't concern himself with covering his hand, keeping it hidden. While he never felt like everyone else, with Dahlia, he didn't feel that way anymore. He felt humanoid, other than physically. "Knowing that... makes me feel... less." He paused for a moment, trying to find the words, before finally settling on. "Borg. It makes me feel less Borg."

OFF:

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Lieutenant Zero
Chief Operations Officer

&

1st Lt. Dahlia Acker
Marine Executive Officer

 

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