Part I - Self Care and Memories
Posted on Sat May 3rd, 2025 @ 4:58pm by Lieutenant Xavier
1,478 words; about a 7 minute read
Mission:
Preservation Instinct
Location: Starbase Riversong | Guest Quarters
Timeline: Night before boarding
ON:
Xavier stood looking at himself in the mirror. The light foundation he had on was scrubbed clean, the eyeliner was gone, the light snow white shadow that brightened his eyes was removed and he looked tired, at least to himself.
It was the night before boarding and Xavier’s coms was blowing up. His brother, the one he didn’t want to acknowledge, the Admiral, all calling him but he had decided to ignore them. He’d gotten the messages, read them, but he would not respond because his stomach was tied in knots. The knots, were not because of his brother, or his fear and dislike of change, or the fact that his ship would dock and he'd be boarding tomorrow, oh no, the knots in his stomach were from worry. The one person he wanted to hear from had been oddly silent. For three days.
“KERBEROS,” he whispered as he turned from the mirror and headed into the living area that was home to the small terminal and desk that the station provided. He checked again, nothing.
The tub, a luxury he wasn't sure he would have on the ship, was full of hot water and bubbles and he needed a warm bath, more then he needed anything...well almost anything. He picked up a PADD that would allow him to hear any messages that came in and headed to the bathroom.
Slipping the bathrobe off he slid into the hot water and bubbles letting out a contented sigh. He really hoped that the ship had a tub. He pulled over the bath tray that held a glass of ice tea and his PADD and the latest book he'd been reading, a thriller mystery. He, however, could not focus on the book. He kept staring at the PADD willing it to beep.
Seconds, agonizing ones, ticked by and just as his soul felt like it would shatter the PADD beeped telling him a message had come in. He quickly reached over getting a towel and wiping his hands so he could open the PADD. A message from KERBEROS!
He felt as if a ten ton weight had been lifted off his chest. He had to close his eyes and let his hammering heart calm. He'd been worried. KERBEROS and he had never exchanged identifying details and so there was no ship to contact and nobody to ask if something went wrong. He shook as the fear that KERBEROS could have been hurt or worse ran through his system. He would not examine that feeling nor what it meant.
He opened the message, his hand trembling a bit. Xavier smiled as the words KERBEROS wrote flashed across his screen;
=/\= Hello Bunny, miss me?=/\=
He puffed out a breath and wrote back.
KERBEROS , I am glad that you are well. That was the calm response, the response that KERBEROS could not read into thankfully. He again pushed away the warm feeling that he got when KERBEROS used the nickname Bunny. He didn't want to think about what it meant that KERBEROS had given him a nickname nor what it meant that Xavier himself lived to read it on the page. It may take hours to get a reply...or so he thought.
The PADD beeped again.
=/\=I am just exhausted. Work has been busy, non stop. Our ship had a run of bad luck and on top of that I got transfer orders so I'm just packing like a mad person trying to get my stuff together. I leave tomorrow morning. You're message came back quick I am assuming we're in the same system. I got all your messages...my apologies for not getting back to you. How are you? You said you were transferred too. Did you get onto your new ship?=/\=
Xavier sat up a little pulling the bath tray closer and did something he only seemed to do with respect to KERBEROS, he smiled. Xavier typed back, I am right now waiting for the new ship at the station. They should be here tomorrow morning I assume...I have a few errands to run before they arrive. My anxiety is pretty high.
Xavier sent it and then added, I am glad you are alright.
It took a few minutes but the reply came;
=/\= Anxiety sounds bad, I can imagine, you never did like change. What are you doing to try and get your mind off the anxiety? Did you try the meditation techniques I suggested last time? How high is the anxiety as in near an anxiety attack or just a tightness in your chest?
Oh by the way...you can't see it now but I am smiling at the fact that you were worried about me, Bunny. I really am. =/\=
Xavier's cheeks flushed green. I was not worried....I just stated a fact that I was glad you were alright. As for the anxiety it's the light kind. I am, as I write, sitting in a tub. A hot bath will help ease the anxiety and a good book.
It took a bit long this time but the response came back. As Xavier read it he let out a squeak that was very un-Vulcan like.
=/\= I'm glad that you are taking some down time. ... In a bath... it's times like this that I regret agreeing to your condition of us staying in contact and being friends. I mean we've been sending messages since the Academy and I don't know anything about you other then that you were born on Vulcan, I can therefore assume you are Vulcan but even that isn't for certain your hobbies your messages are not very Vulcan like. I don't know what ship you are on and I don't even have an image of you other then the one I have, over the years, honed to perfection in my mind. Hell I don't even know your gender! I mean we've been corresponding for 15 years PLUTO. We know about one another's most difficult times. We've shared our souls with one another and you are one of my best friends and I don't even know what you look like. We've written to one another 15 years and we're both Starfleet officers. If something happened to either of us we would know nothing except that the messages stopped arriving. Have I emphasized the 15 years? =/\=
Xavier's brow knitted in confusion. I can understand that and I will...think about all this but why would all this be relevant now and how did we get on the topic of conditions of the message exchange. We were talking about anxiety and your new transfer by the way are you excited? Promotion too?
A few minutes later the reply came;
=/\= Excited for the new post yes and promotion status unknown. As for my reflections on the conditions of our letter exchange I was merely lamenting the fact that I don't know what you look like. =/\=
Why ?
When the next beep came in Xavier's eyes widened.
=/\= Hard to get a mental image of someone in a bath when you don't what they look like. =/\=
Why on the holy planet Pluto would you need a mental image?
KERBEROS sent a reply;
=/\= ...... =/\=
KERBEROS, what does that mean? Ellipses are a grammatical tool and not a response.
=/\= ..... =/\=
Xavier let out a frustrated sigh Seriously, what does that mean? What does a mental image... Suddenly something clicked in his brain. KERBEROS!!!!!!!
=/\= And PLUTO finally understands! I am applauding. I also bet your blushing I am now laughing...a lot. I have tears in my eyes. =/\=
A green flush spread over Xaver's neck and face. I am done with this conversation. Good luck on your trip to your new ship, whatever it is, and I am now signing off, now that I know you are alright and your usual ... (using ellipses properly here) charming self I am going to rest. Good night KERBEROS.
A smiley face popped up on screen followed by, =/\= Have an excellent rest, Bunny. I missed our messages these past 3 days, 12 hours, 27 minutes and 5 seconds. =/\=
Xavier let out a low frustrated growl and tossed the PADD aside. He sank down into the already cooling water. "Of all the...." He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose before he smiled a little and leaned back against the tub. "You are hopeless KERBEROS." But he loved that part of KERBEROS, the teasing the easy dialogue that was between them almost from the start. He sank down into the bubbles thinking about the very first messages they exchanged....
To Be Continued...
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Lieutenant Xavier
Chief Flight Control Officer
USS Ontario
&
KERBEROS
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