Realization

Posted on Sun Sep 26th, 2021 @ 10:58am by Lieutenant Amanda Rose & Lieutenant JG Elizabeth Stone

1,059 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: Out of Time

Siren was in the Marine Gym. She was there at an unusual time for her. But the studying just wasn't sticking today, so she had decided to stop trying, and to just get a good workout in instead.

Lance Corporal Eriks was there as well, and Siren should have realized the temptation the shirtless sweaty Marine made. Especially since they'd hooked up once already, and the man was rather skilled. When he came over and winked, and then tugged her towards the door, she was three steps out of the gym with him. When it dawned on her what she doing, she pushed him back without warning and marched down the corridor the other way, one backwards glare keeping Erik's at bay.

Siren hurried to Amanda's, not really thinking about the consequences as she sounded the woman's chime.

Amanda did not bother to ask who was there. She knew that it was early for her soiree with Siren but regardless of who was at her door, she had always had an open door policy. Needless to say, she was more than a little surprised to see Siren at her door. "Hi!" Amanda replied cheerily. "Aren't I supposed to be coming to your place in a couple of hours? I'm not running late, am I?" she worried.

"Shit, that was tonight." Siren had forgotten. "It's fine. I'll go get ready. Sorry to bother you."

"You're no bother," Amanda replied, touching Siren on the arm. She then realized by Siren's reaction, especially having forgotten their theater night, that something was bothering her. "Come on inside for a minute or two, anyways." She looked up at the tough x marine with a glance that told Siren that her comment was more of an order than a suggestion.

Siren just nodded, and let herself be led inside. She took a deep breath. "Ok, I think I need to talk to you. I mean not as a friend. Is that ok?"

"Of course," Amanda responded simply. "Make yourself comfortable." There was a subtle change in Amanda's tone and posture as she put on her Counselor's hat. Though Amanda liked to be friends with all of her crew and patients, she could separate the two when it was required. "And just feel free to start wherever you would like. What is on your mind?"

Siren took a seat on the couch, then a deep breath. "I was just in the gym, and I got propositioned. I was heading back to his quarters with him, when I realized what I was doing. I actually thought about it, and realized that the temptation wasn't for an orgasm, not really; it was for validation. Like I'm some kind of sex toy, wanting to be rated highly." She took another breath. "I understand why O'Shea had this whole 6 month thing idea, but now I'm freaking out."

Amanda nodded and tilted her head to the side curiously. "Why are you freaking out?"

"Because I always thought that part of myself was on my own terms. But what if it is just some replacement for validation I never received as a child? Oh gawd, that sounds shrinkish." Siren commented.

"Well, that's because it is," Amanda replied with a smile. "But a better question is, what do you think it is? Why do you think that you require validation and, as you put it, being rated highly?"

Siren sighed. "That's a good question. " She was silent for a moment, honestly trying to figure it out. "I really don't know. I mean we all want validation, maybe I'm just blowing everything out of proportion."

"I don't think so. First, let me tell you that I'm extremely proud of you. Rather than continuing down the path that you have, you recognized the situation and extricated yourself from it. Second, you're thinking about what causes you to behave in this way and why it might be. The why, ultimately may not be as important. What is important is that you're not pleased with what you see and are willing to make a change. Change is extremely hard, Siren. It takes repetition and it takes commitment. You demonstrated that today. Be proud of yourself. We can sort through the rest as you go, right?"

Siren nodded. "Ok. Alright. One step at a time. I don't need to be proud of myself. I just don't want to do anything stupidly permanent, or look back in 20 years and realize I'm still acting like a 15 year old hot head. I mean, someday I'd like to, you know, be happy."

"You will be, Siren. Happiness is a journey, not a destination, though. But honestly, woman, you do need to be a bit better to yourself. Take pride in your achievements. There's plenty of others willing to beat you down. Why help them?"

Siren smiled at that. She had a good point. "Right. Ok. Sorry for the freak out. I may have panicked just a little."

"No need to apologize," Amanda replied waving Siren off with her hands. "Your 'panic,' was the realization of what you were doing and how you did not want to do that. It is the first step down a path to a Siren that you want to become." She paused and smiled at her friend. "And, whether you need me as a friend or as your counselor, I'm here for you."

"Well tonight we have a play to enjoy." Siren smiled. "So change hats. You aren't allowed to shrink how much I like Macbeth."

Playfully, Amanda reached up to an invisible hat on her head and then placed it to her side. "Why would I want to do that, Siren? I think it is just going to be a hoot getting you all dressed up fancy!"

Siren looked down at herself. She was in workout clothes, covered in dried sweat, and wearing no makeup. "It may take a miracle." She smiled. "I better go see what I can do to make myself presentable. "

"I'm sure you'll do great! Remember, I'll be there a half an hour early so we can tweak you, if necessary."

Siren snorted. "Nice save, I'll definitely need it. I'll see you in a bit." Siren smiled, feeling better now.

"Of course! Can't wait!" Amanda enthused. "And if you need anything before then, just let me know. And I mean, anything, Siren."

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